Dr. Laura Berman Dishes Sex Ed To Parents On Oprah

Several years ago, I took a Human Sexuality course and learned that if a female child were raised in a sexual "healthy" atmosphere, and taught that their bodies are their own, that something wonderful could happen. A young girl could naturally (all by them selves) learn to orgasm by age 7 or 8. This amazed me, because I realized that society had evolved in a positive way. It enforced the values that I had always believed to be true. Masturbation is not wrong or nasty and if a child grows up believing that his or her body is ok for exploring, as long as it is done in the privacy of their own room (or shower), they will learn to do what many mature women cannot. What I did not know back then was that so many women have never experienced the pleasure associated with an orgasm.
Therefore, I was so happy that Oprah decided to allow Dr. Berman to provide such an educational tool to her viewers. I mean, the fact is, most people just do not understand the atmosphere we are raising our children in. There is so much more to becoming a healthy sexual being than the "natural dynamics" that we were never taught. For instance, in 2001, my oldest daughter turned 11. Believe me when I say, I never would have dreamed of the questions that she could come home with, and I thank my lucky stars that my own parents had been honest with me, because some very intense questions hit me like a rock filled snowball; such as:
"Why do the boys at school ask the girls if they spit or swallow?" and
"Why do the boys ask girls if they are deep or shallow throated?"
Ok, so as a parent, I was floored, but I stayed "cool,” and more importantly I told her the truth. I explained that she already knew that men produced sperm and what sperm was. She agreed. Then I told her that the answer to her 1st question was rather graphic, but that she deserved an answer. Therefore, I told her that the boys wanted to know if when she sucked their penis, if she spit or swallowed the sperm. She about died.
The next day, she returned with the second question and again I produced an answer. I told her that the boys wanted to know if the girls could take a whole penis in their mouth. Ok, so it might seem that these young boys were openly asking some extremely nasty questions. However, are they really? I mean, the fact is, we as parents know that maturity brings acceptance, and we know that oral sex is a pleasurable natural part of life for some people. Therefore, why should the topic be treated as taboo? IT SHOULD NOT BE!
Parents are supposed to be mature adults and role models for their children. They should NEVER refuse to answer a child's question; no matter how inappropriate it may seem. Then again, I think my psychology instructor put it better than I have ever heard it said. Bob said, “We must psychologically inoculate our children”. By this, he meant that we must approach hard topics with complete honesty, and be willing to provide the good, the bad, and the ugly. Because if we do not; someone else will, and he is RIGHT!
I am the mother of 4, grand mother of 6, street mother of over 200 and a future psychologist. This means that I’ve not only lived through my own childhood, but have watched and assisted many other children as they have embarked on their own quest for knowledge. I know first hand that you cannot protect your child by sheltering them, because sex is everywhere. It is on TV. It is in movies. It is in music. It is on bathroom walls. It is on the Internet. It is even coming from the lips of elementary school students! Therefore, we parents have to step up to the plate and arm our children with knowledge, and we must do so before they are misguided by an inappropriate source.
So, where do parents find the resources to educate him/herself? Well Oprah and Dr. Berman have made it easy. You can download a free copy of Dr. Berman’s book called, “ Talking To Kids About Sex Handbook” at http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090326-tows-talking-to-kids-about-sex-handbook and remember the info presented on the show and through new studies might seem shocking, or whelming, but it is well worth considering. I say this because I would much rather answer the most difficult questions given to me by a small child or hand my 12 yr old a vibrator, than find out that their 1st sexual encounter lead to HIV.